Friday, February 5, 2016

Some Bothering Thoughts

I know that it has been quite some time since I've last sat down before the keyboard and typed down my personal thoughts for you. But, for about the last month I've been having some difficult thoughts and when that happens, the best way to rid myself of them is to write them down. This time, I decided to share them with you. I'm sure that the offenders of my exasperating thoughts won't actually read this, but that's OK. Just writing this here is the relief that I really need. So, here goes:

There's just so much drama that I try to escape. I really dislike drama. I'm not in high school anymore. I even chuckle at all the drama that I have to endure when reading all of my teenage daughter's messages. But, I stay out of her drama and only get involved when she asks my advice. Well, I guess all that I really have to say to a few people that are causing drama in my life now is "get over it". I have. I'm not perfect. I won't say that I don't ever hold a grudge, because I do. I'm not an easy person to just forgive, I guess that I prefer to turn the other cheek instead of forgiving. It's just easier. And relieves me of the stress when I just can't forgive.

I know that there are many people in this world that just don't like me. And I'm at that point in my life that I'm beyond caring about it. If you don't like me, oh well, good for you and I wish you well. I am not going to go out of my way to make nice. If someone wants to spread rumors and someone chooses to believe them, I wish them all nothing but happiness and go about my day as usual. I guess the person that believes them doesn't really know me and that's not the kind of person that I need in my life. I have a plethora of very good people in my life right now that know what a good person that I am. Despite what some people wish to think about me, I do not have a malicious bone in my body, I am a kind, caring and giving person. I'm also so very secure with the person that I am, and I just don't care what people say and think about me anymore. I just wastes too much time, and energy.

Here's another "shocker", I have so much disdain for drama that I have left my gossiping days where they belong, in high school! Yes, I do have my occasional moment when I might chat about something shocking that I've heard. But long forgotten people that have zero bearing on my life, nope!! You, my friends are not prime subject matter. Nor are you even minute subject matter. I can't even recall the last time that your name even crossed my mind before you started this drama of contacting my minor daughter!!

So, I really am not trying to defend myself, because I haven't done anything that needs defending. I am not trying to get anyone to like me. Like me or don't like me. It's your choice. I even tell my kids that. I tell them that they do not have to love me, but I want them to know that I love them. So, on that note, I will say this: I really have no feelings one way or another for these people that have caused the latest chapter of drama in my life. I don't care if they like me, hate me, loathe me, or detest me. Yes, I was deeply upset at what I had heard one of them said at Chris's funeral, but I'm over it. It's on you, not me. You may see him again some day, and you can take that up with him. I never had any real hard issues with any of you. There may have been some bumps in the road with one, but whatever, I can turn the other cheek and it's gone. I wish you no ill will, none of you. I never have. Believe it or not, aside from the funeral and a handful of incidents after, I had no issues with you. And if not for this BS drama that you stirred up now, you wouldn't even be a thought in my head right now. So, get over it. I really wish you and your families nothing but the absolute best in this life. There are only two reasons that I'm writing this now, because I just needed to put it out of my head, yes bravo, you got to me because you bothered by child, and two to let you know this: Please let me and my family live our life as we see fit and do not ever contact either of my children again.

Oh, one last thought to clear things up.... I did not have the fundraiser for Chris's son. My wonderful childhood friend Tara held the fundraiser for ME. I used the money that was raised to purchase his burial plot, headstone, and pay for the burial. I took what was left and opened a CD for his son that has been rolled over and will continue to be rolled over until he is 18 and attends college or a trade school. At which time, I will give his school the money. (Although, I'm thinking of just donating to an animal shelter because I'm pretty tired of seeing messages being sent to my daughter and me over and over mentioning this money. Not to mention me being called "sick" and "scum" over this. Yet, I'm sure that my conscience won't let me do that.) So, I really hope that this clears it up for everyone.