Monday, November 25, 2013

Reunions

I went to my class reunion this past weekend. I missed the last one because of two reasons. One was that I had gained so much weight, I was embarrassed and two, Chris couldn't go because of his drinking. I wanted to take Chris to show everyone that yes, I had become a cow. I went from skinny Minnie to Henrietta the Heifer. But, at least I had an incredibly handsome husband that truly loved me. I don't know why I cared so much what they thought of me. I didn't care so much in high school. Maybe because I fit in in high school and I didn't anymore.

This time, it was different. I didn't want to go for a different reason. A close friend had taken pictures of the house the day after Chris was murdered. I was horrified, pissed, saddened, you name it, any negative feeling that you can experience, I probably felt it. I couldn't even look at her any more. My brother asked her to leave the courtroom without speaking to me or my family and to never speak to us again.

Well some time later, a mutual friend got it in her head to bring us together. I agreed to the meeting, only because the mutual friend lived out of town and I really wanted to see her. So we met, the photographer hugged me and acted like I was the biggest asshole on the face of the earth. I couldn't believe it. How dare she! How dare she take the pictures without asking, without my permission, and then treat me like I'm the scum of the earth because I actually had the audacity to meet with her?!?!

I vowed as I walked out of that bowling alley that I would never be friends with her EVER!

And here we are, almost three years or so later. It's our 25th reunion. I didn't want to go because I had a really bad PTSD episode while driving and my son was in the car. Thankfully, we were only a few blocks from home, and he really can be the absolute kindest and sweetest kid there is. I didn't want to have an episode at the reunion. Sometimes when I see just her name on FB, it brings up memories and one thing leads to another and I can start to shake or whatever. I didn't want to have to deal with it if I saw her in person. I contacted one of the coordinators and she said that the "photographer" was a definite no for the reunion. So, I contemplated, and decided to go. Then I saw that the "photographer" started commenting more and more on posts on the Facebook reunion event. She even managed to tag me in a photo, not sure how since we certainly are not friend's on Facebook. I started to get worried, so my absolute closest friend from high school agreed to go to the reunion with me.

As soon as I walked in the door, the photographer was the first person that I saw. I quickly walked inside to check in. I was saying my hello's and it seemed as soon as my friend walked away, the "photographer" swooped in to say hello and tried to hug me. I almost froze. I ended up blocking the hug by putting my hands up and saying that I can't. She seemed mad and hurt. I thought "excuse me? You're the one that took these unauthorized pictures of my home. YOU are the one that has this sick fascination, no make that obsession with the macabre! YOU are the one that hurt ME and MY HUSBAND, not the other way around." You made your bed, now you must lie in it. I don't think that she realizes exactly how much this has hurt me.

Thankfully, my good friend from high school was with me. She saved me. She had a little talk with the "photographer" and hopefully, got her to understand my point of view of how what she did was wrong. Not just wrong but despicable! I really don't care what her excuse was or is, she was itching to get into my home the entire day. The moment I let her, she grabbed a camera. She never even asked if it was OK. Did she know that I would say no? I know for a fact that she is a sadomasochist. She's sick in the head. I have laid in bed wondering what has become of those pictures, who has she shown them to, or where have they ended up? I doubt that she went home Saturday and deleted the pictures. But, if nothing else came from their "private" conversation, at least the "photographer" should have enough sense to leave me alone now.

The other person that I need to address is the mutual friend. I'm thinking that this person really is not a friend to me at all because she obviously cannot respect my wishes to keep the status quo with the "photographer". I do not want to be friends with her. The "photographer" wants to be friends. I never asked the mutual friend to take sides, but all that I ask is for her to respect my wishes, just say "Hey, I'm not going to take sides. I'm not saying that you are right or that she is right. I am going to be friends with you and I am going to be friends with her. If you can't handle that, then I can't be friends with you." This is something that I have told my daughter to say to her friends when she is caught in the middle of feuding friends. I don't expect anyone to take sides. I just expect them to respect my wishes. I don't ever ask about her, I don't want to know about her. I don't even want to know that she exists. So please, maintain your relationship with her, just leave me out of it. If you continue to insist that we become friends again, you must not respect me nor my friendship and I will not continue my friendship with you. If you want to maintain our friendship, don't talk about me to her and please don't ever mention her name to me. If she ever asks about me, simply say, I'd rather not discuss that. You know I don't want to get involved. It's that easy.

I went to the reunion. I was surprised that I didn't get the "tell me about your husbands death!" nor did I get the pity looks. I loved that about my classmates. I actually had a wonderful time. One of the first times since Chris passed away, I had a truly wonderful time, and I wouldn't have had such a good time had it not been for one lovely friend, my BFF from HS!!! Love you girlie!!!!!