Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Fading

The marks on my finger from the wedding ring are fading. His scent has long vanished from anywhere in the house. I am drawn to the cologne section at the store, only to be sampling his cologne just to remember exactly how he smelled. I don't quite know what I will do once it is no longer available. I have found myself staring at his picture because I don't want the memory of his beautiful face to fade as well.

Even though our dreams to become parents have come true for me, and I love my children with all my heart, I sometimes feel a bit of sadness when I think that Chris isn't here to raise them with me. They often ask about Chris, and have both taken our last name. They want to visit his grave and place flowers there to honor him. It's a shame that Chris was taken from this world too soon and that my children will never get to know what a wonderful father Chris would have been.

I know that my life would be so much different if Chris was here. I still wish everyday that Chris was here with me. But, then I look at my children and wonder where they would be. It's a shame that if I have one, I cannot have the other. However, sometimes, I think that Chris had a hand in my children coming into my life. He knew that there was a huge void in my heart. Although, nobody will ever replace that perfect spot that Chris held in my life, my children have certainly mended my heart back so that it is no longer broken.

My children and I will ensure that the memory of Christopher Cser will never fade from this earth. He was a wonderful man, husband, son, grandson, brother, and he would have been a wonderful father to my children.