Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Let It Go

I was looking back and saw that it's been a long time since I have posted anything. I guess it's because I feel as if my life is grand and finally back on track. My kids are wonderful! My daughter was in marching band and for only playing the flute for two years, and only being a freshman, made a huge accomplishment of getting second chair in her symphony band. She maintains her grades of A's and really, I couldn't ask for a better daughter. My son was on the football team again this year and had a great season. Right at this moment, he has a 4.0! My son is pretty awesome too! I feel so blessed to have such wonderful children in my home.

They both have adjusted to life in the Cser home rather well. And since late August, our home has been the happiest that it's been in quite some time. Both kids hardly ever fight, if you can believe that!

I haven't had too many things that are widow related to need to write about. I still think of Chris on a daily basis. He is always with me in my heart. I no longer feel as if there is this hole or void there from when he passed away. I'm not seriously dating anyone and I think it's just because at my age, I know exactly what I want. I know my worth and how valuable and wonderful I am. I will only allow someone to get serious with that can recognize that and that has those same qualities himself. The hole that I thought existed really wasn't there because he has always occupied my heart. And any small voids that may have existed from losing him physically, my love for my children has certainly filled. Overfilled as a matter of fact!

December 8 & 9 has passed this year. Again. It wasn't as bad this year, the nightmares are certainly a harsh reminder. But, I was actually at peace. That is until I discovered that someone that is hellbent on trying to make my life miserable interfered. I'm really not sure why some people just can't get on with their lives. I was his wife! I really don't give a damn if you liked it or not. I wasn't your wife, I was his! He chose me without regard to what anyone thought! Well, maybe except his grandma, and considering that she introduced me as her granddaughter and that I was given her bible, I do think that she approved! We made each other happy!

Seriously, get over it!

Chris is gone, I don't have to deal with you and you don't have to deal with me. Yet, for some reason, you (whomever you are, and I have a short list of suspects) seem determined to continue to hurt me. You really need to examine that and ask yourself why? If you want my honest opinion, it's kind of flattering that you continue to think of me and that I have this lasting effect on you! Other than messing with my children and throwing me a punch in the dark like this, I'm not effected at all by you, his family, or nasty people from his past, I don't even think about Chris's family or those that think they were family (with the exception of one or two aunts and a cousin and of course his beloved grandmother)

Seriously!

So, you managed to upset me by reporting to Facebook that he is deceased and getting his account removed. I do admit that for a few hours, I was terribly, terribly upset. Then it occurred to me: I don't need his Facebook account to validate his existence in this world. If you knew Chris, you knew how much time he spent on his Facebook. That was HIS footprint in this world! I have several mementos around my home to remind me of him. Heck, I still have some of his ashes in my home. And when I feel as if I need him close, I will wear one of two necklaces that have his ashes in them. That way, he is physically close to my heart.

My point today is to say that my life is utterly fantastic these days! This entire Facebook thing was just a hiccup. I knew that his account needed to be memorialized, but I really didn't do it because on certain days of the year I thought keeping it "active" would allow his friends and family to write him something. I, myself, hadn't written anything on his wall in quite some time. So, I'm okay with this. The only person that was really "damaged" was Chris. And that's a shame that some people can't just let it go!


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