Thursday, August 15, 2013


One thousand, three hundred forty five. That is a staggering number. But, that is the number of days since Chris was prematurely taken from us. I don't know why, but I'm absolutely amazed by that number. Sitting in the car on the way to my parents home after that fateful night, I didn't think that I would make it a week, or a month. I wondered how I was going to get through each day. Chris was my everything. After our second date, I knew that we were going to be together for the long haul. Then he moved in with me and I really could not see a future without him. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that our dream of growing old together would be quashed by this kind of tragedy.

For such a long time, I imagined the "what if's" on a daily basis. I can't tell you when that subsided. I used to beat myself up about it, day after day. Then one day, I didn't do it as much. The next thing I know, it's 1345 days since he was here with me, and I can't remember the last time that I wondered what would have happened if I came home from work early.

How does that happen? How does 1345 days just slip by so quickly that you are astounded by that number? I have this profound sadness overcoming me right now. How did I not notice that even a thousand days has passed? The hole in my heart seems to have ripped open again. How can a number have so much power over my emotions?

1 comment:

  1. I can only say how very much I understand exactly what you mean...its day 453 for me. your words speak to me more than you will ever know.