Thursday, June 7, 2012

Two and a Half Years

I absolutely cannot believe that tomorrow it will have been two and a half years since I got that fateful phone call. And Saturday will mark two and a half years since he's been gone. Where has the time gone? It feels like just yesterday that we were laughing on the sofa before I went to work. It was just moments ago that we were eating our last meal together. Yet at the same time, if feels like an eternity since I've seen him.

Two and a half years is longer than we were married. How can that be? How can he be gone longer than we were married? At some point, I knew that this day would arrive. I just had no idea that it would knock me over like it did.

Yes, the world keeps spinning and I used to think that I was just along for the ride, oblivious to the time that was passing me by. The past few months with my daughter have been wonderful. I do know that if Chris were here, she would not have been in my life. But, I don't look at is as Chris had to pass away for this. I look at it as she came into my life to lift the grief that was holding me down. And help me start a new chapter in my life.

I can no longer look at the what if's. I have to accept my life for what it is, what has happened, and how I ended up here. I'm in a relatively good place now. My life is finally getting into order and my plans are finally coming to fruition. The only thing missing is Chris. I try not to dwell on it, and I still talk to him. I still hold his pillow close at night. I don't know how much longer I will be like this. But, I do know that I will never stop missing him. Two and a half years is just a drop in the bucket as far as how much time I will spend missing him. He was truly my first love, and I will forever preserve a spot in my heart for him.

2 comments:

  1. Thinking of you, Ann, and sending lots of love!

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  2. Ann, (((HUGS))) I look at that picture that you posted of Chris with that smile on his face and it's hard to realize that he is not here with you, although I do believe that he will always be with you. Time passes and we are left to wonder where all that time went and how we managed to make it day after day, hour after hour. You are carving out a new life and I know how hard that is because I am struggling with it myself. That strong tug to not want to let go, because you don't want to leave them behind is sometimes unbearable. But you couragously went forward and even extended your heart to another soul. Chris must be smiling at you now.
    -- DragonTears

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