Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Realization

I had a nice Memorial weekend up at Higgin's Lake. I've always found it to be very peaceful up there. However, this weekend something clicked inside my head. I'd realized that it's been almost two and a half years since he passed away. I couldn't believe it. That is longer than we were married. How could this have happened? Wasn't it just yesterday that he literally jumped out of our bed and asked me to marry him? Wasn't it just yesterday that Judge Somers married us? Wasn't it just yesterday that we were sitting on the couch talking about the toy snowmobile that I bought his son for Christmas? I know that it wasn't, but it sure feels that way.

I miss him terribly. As much as I love going to the house up there, I sometimes dread it as well. That was where we spent our honeymoon. That was where we spent our last vacation together. I remember them both like they were yesterday. I kept replaying those two weekends in my mind.

I will always remember fondly us cuddling in front of the fireplace to get warm and not wanting to let go of each other when the room warmed up. I smile every time I think of him putting up the tent behind the house so that he could still get the feel of camping out, and also of him running a long extension cord to the tent so that I would feel comfortable with my laptop and other electronics.

He was thoughtful. He treated me so kindly and always wanted me to know that I was loved. I miss him. I miss everything about him. Yes, even the traits that I complained about! If I could have him back, I would let him smoke all he wanted in the house. You have no idea how I long to smell his cigarette smoke.

I can't believe that in just a couple of weeks it will have been two and a half years. The world certainly does keep spinning and time keeps ticking even though he's gone. So, I am doing my best to live and live my life for both of us. But, where in the world did all that time go?

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