Monday, May 21, 2012

Meltdowns

Life has been stressful lately. I've been keeping it together as best as I can. However, some of the time, it just gets too much to bear and I have a mini meltdown. I've learned from the past that if I feel the tears coming, I need to let them roll down my face. It's just really hard when the meltdown occurs while I'm driving with my daughter in the car! Thank God it only happened once while driving with her!

It's this single parenting thing. It's life's little wrenches being thrown into my gears. It's not having Chris here to tell me that everything will be OK. For the most part, I'm happy. I'm doing OK. But, there are those moments where every little thing adds up and I can't help but breakdown and let the tears fall.

I have been asking myself over and over again, why did this have to happen? I know that my life would be drastically changed if Chris were still here. I know that I would not have my beautiful daughter. But, I can't help but wonder what if? Would we have a daughter together? Where would we be?

Losing Chris has been the single hardest thing that I have ever had to contend with. I still feel the hole left in my heart. I know that it will always be there. I just wish that it didn't hurt so much. Even after almost two and a half years. In the midst of my meltdowns (which really aren't as bad as they were) the single most thing that would alleviate them is Chris. However, if he were still with us, I wouldn't be having these meltdowns.

1 comment: