Saturday, March 31, 2012

My License

I was surprised to get my mail yesterday. I received an actual paper license for my fostering. I'm so excited to start this journey, yet I'm scared too. I have no idea what child I will welcome into my home. Boy, girl. Toddler, teenager. Shy, outgoing. I really just want to make a difference in a child's life. I know that the most difficult thing will be having to say goodbye when he or she goes home to his/her family. Well, it will be bittersweet. I will be overjoyed that this child will be going back to his/her family where he/she belongs, yet I will miss him/her in my home. I already know this. But, hopefully the time spent with this child will be rewarding for both him/her and me.

All this has me thinking of my stepson a lot lately. His birthday is in a few days. I miss him terribly. But, his mother won't permit me to see him. I have given him Christmas gifts in the past, and I thought about giving him a birthday present. But, the mother doesn't bother to thank me or have him thank me in any form. She doesn't even have my grandmother (well, Chris's grandmother, who gives him my gifts) thank me from him. So, I think that in lieu of a gift, I will make another deposit to his college fund. I've tried making amends with her, but to no avail. The only person missing out is Chris's son. I am the person that knew Chris best over the last few years of his life. And she doesn't want his son to know the sober Chris or me. I made a scrapbook for my stepson. But, I was told that it would probably be best if I didn't give it to him just yet. I doubt that he will ever get that book. I just can't see her allowing me to give it to him. I even set aside some of Chris's belongings to give to him and told her that my stepson could come over and get them. Well, I'm sure that it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that she never came by to pick them up.

At least I can say that I've tried. I've made attempts to see him, I've made attempts to give him some of his father's things. However, I've accepted that he is no longer in my life. I will always love my stepson and keep a special place in my heart for him. It's a shame, but I will have my own child and a foster child to nurture and love. I'm anxiously awaiting the phone call that they have a child matched up with me. Despite me missing Chris desperately and missing his son as well, life is good. And I only see it getting better. I truly believe that Chris is my guardian angel looking out for me. Getting this license is just the beginning of the rest of my life.

1 comment:

  1. "Despite me missing Chris desperately and missing his son as well, life is good. And I only see it getting better. "

    This is one of the best things I've ever read. Love to you, Ann!