Monday, March 26, 2012

Dreams Don't Die

For a long time after Chris's passing, I thought that my dreams ended when his life ended. But, I have made some personal strides in my life and I no longer believe that. I know that just because Chris isn't here doesn't mean that my dreams have to fade. They are just altered a bit.

I struggled whether to make this news public or not. But, I decided to announce my news because there are so many new widows each day who thought like I did about dreams fading away. They struggle thinking that their world has ended and can no longer go on. (At least that is precisely how I felt for thirteen months after his passing.) So, I decided to write a little about my dreams and goals and how I'm not going to let them die.

I can now say that I am not letting our dreams die. I had a wake up from a widower that got me thinking. Did I want to live my life just existing, or did I actually want to live my life?? I have chosen to follow his lead and I am now living my life for both Chris and myself.

One of the dreams that we had was to have children. I am proud to say that I have not let that dream die. I will be a mommy. Some little girl or boy will call me "mommy." Is this the way that I dreamed that it would happen? No, absolutely not. I dreamed that my child would be calling Chris "daddy". But, life changed that for me. A monster came into his life and changed that for me. I will never hear my child call Chris "daddy". And yes, my heart breaks. So, this news of becoming a mother was very bittersweet. But, this is something that I dearly wanted and I know that Chris is happy for me.

In the meantime, I have taken a year long journey to become a foster parent. I am so very pleased to announce that just last week I was licensed to foster children. So, in addition to having a child with Chris's last name, I will help a child in need. The only thing that would make me happier right now is to have Chris at my side to welcome these children into our lives.

So, keep your dreams alive. Even though your life has changed dramatically, your dreams don't have to fade away.

1 comment:

  1. I love reading this, Ann. So hopeful! You're an inspiration!