Monday, March 5, 2012


What a roller coaster ride the past month has been. I have so many positive things going on in my life that I should be happy. But, because Chris isn't here everything is overshadowed in greyness. Maybe it's that I just came off of have horrific nightmares. Or it could be that I was just sick. Or possibly Leslies one year sadiversary? It could even be the weather. Who knows? All that I know is that right here, right now I should be happy. But I can't muster a smile for the sake of happiness. Sure when someone says hello to me, I can flash a genuine smile for a moment. But, that moment is fleeting.

 I know that there are all these wonderful things happening to me in my life. I acknowledge them all. I embrace them. I even look forward to the future. I plan for the future. I live my life not just for today, but for tomorrow as well. I just can't get beyond contentment for my life. I think that possibly once I'm able to announce that I've reached one of my goals I will be happy. But for now, it's lonely contentment for me.

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