Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Whew!!

So glad that yesterday is over. It was a big, big, big step towards moving forward in living. I can't believe that I'm doing this without Chris. It's hard to fathom my life without him. But, unfortunately, that is my reality and I must at some point begin to live my life again. And that is precisely what I am attempting to do. No, I am living. I am no longer just existing. I am no longer just planning my life. I am actually putting those goals in motion.

I can't believe that I made it through yesterday with no tears. OK, so tears welled up in my eyes as I talked about Chris. But, at the same time, when I spoke of him, I had a huge smile on my face! I'm going to try to stay positive, but as I've learned that nothing in life is guaranteed. There are so many factors that can influence this chapter of my life, I don't know what the outcome will be. All that I can do right now is stay positive and focused on my future. I will say that even though I'm an optimist with everyone else, I tend to be a pessimist with myself. I've learned to prepare for the worst, but hope for the best. So, that is exactly what I am doing right now. All that I've prepared myself for in the event that this falls through is that it just wasn't the right time or it wasn't the right thing for me. Of course, I'm hoping that the outcome will be more positive and I can report that I have good news!

In the meantime, I will wait. I've been waiting many months just to get to this point. I am willing to wait as long as necessary. I've also learned that there are definitely things in life that are worth waiting for and this is one of those things!

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