Wednesday, October 12, 2011

A Bad Widow

Sometimes I think that I'm a bad widow because I don't count the days or months since Chris has passed away. When I am asked, I really have to think about it. I don't sulk on every Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm not even sure if I should mourn on Tuesday or Wednesday since he passed away just after midnight on a Wednesday. I know that technically it is a Wednesday, but he was attacked on Tuesday and everything just kind of melded together that night that I considered it Tuesday.

Then there's the date. I don't suffer from anxiety on every 8th or 9th of each month. Some days, I don't even realize that it is the 8th or the 9th. And when I do, Chris' passing doesn't immediately come to mind. In my opinion, I hate the idea of counting the days since he passed. Because it just brings sadness to realize that more days are passing without him. Time is moving forward and it's going to continue to do so. There is nothing that I can do to stop it. So, why recognize it? Why further acknowledge that my life moves forward and his does not? Does that make me a bad widow because I refuse to keep a running tally of how much time has passed?


  1. Dearest Ann, there is no such thing as a "good widow" or a "bad widow." There are just people, some of whom happen to be widowed. Now that I think of it, tomorrow is the 13th, so it'll be 16 months since Jerry died. But I was thinking more about the 13th that it would have been my grandfather's 100th birthday, and didn't even make the connection to the 13th until I was typing this. Does this mean I'm a terrible person? Does this mean I miss my honey any less? No, of course not. It just means I'm coping, I think. We have to cope, if we're going to keep living.

    Getting upset at particular times and dates doesn't testify to love. We know we loved our husbands, we know they loved us. That's what matters.

    Love to you, dear.

  2. Ann, Thank you for putting into words exactly how I feel. I was not counting the days until someone in my counseling group mentioned the number of days since their spouse died. I felt horrible & came home & began counting days! I feel the same way you do!