Monday, August 15, 2011

Even Though...

Even though there are such good things happening in my life right now, I'm ready for Chris to come home. I miss him so much. The weather has been so beautiful, it makes me long for the days that we would sit on the porch and just talk about growing old together. I really miss sitting on the porch with him. Just sitting there talking about our plans, our goals, and our dreams. Our dreams has been replaced by my dreams. Our goals are now just my goals. While I still strive for them, I miss him.

Even though I have some big plans and goals for my future, I would set them aside to have him back in my arms. I want our goals back. I want to plan our future together. Make all of our silly little daily plans while sitting on the porch in the morning sipping on our coffee. I still can't sit on the porch anymore. Maybe someday, I will have to make that another one of my goals.

Even though I am very content with my life as it is today, I would gladly throw it away to have my old life with Chris back. Even the worst day with Chris was better than the best day of widowhood. I say that because there seems to be a black cloud surrounding my happiness. It can be diminished so easily when I remember exactly how brutally he was taken from this world. It's so hard to live in a world where that kind of violence is actually your reality, not something on TV.

Even though I am very happy today, I know that I would be much happier if Chris were still here.

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