Thursday, July 21, 2011


I hate when I have an anxiety attack. I hate when it comes out of the blue, especially during a meeting at work. The tightness in my chest is like an elephant is sitting square on my sternum; I can't breathe. It hurts when I try. My hands tremble. My voice quivers. Then I start to wonder what is causing this, well I know it has something to do with Chris. It always has something to do with Chris these days. Whether it be missing him, flashbacks, or something else related. It's always because of what happened to Chris. (Today it was the mention of a car show.) Then the more that I think about it, the worse that it gets. How could something so terrible happen to someone so wonderful? Chris was far from perfect, but he was perfect to and for me. He was most definitely a wonderful person with a golden soul.

The thoughts of what happened to him haunt me day and night still. I think what I hate the most are the anxiety attacks that I'm experiencing right now. I can't do anything to stop them and I can't do anything to prevent them. I can't take any medication for them while I'm working, so I just have to ride it out and hope that it gets better soon.

1 comment:

  1. I wish there were something you could take for the attacks, but I've had to cut my Klonopin dosage in half myself because I was beginning to fall asleep during my commutes and it was getting serious. My panic attacks have mostly stopped, although occasionally I still have them.

    As ever, wishing you love and peace, Ann.