Saturday, March 5, 2011

The Elderly Couple

Yesterday as I was stopped at a light, I saw an elderly couple walking from the hamburger place on the corner. She was walking with a cane and he was helping her walk by holding on to her elbow. I immediately thought "that was supposed to be Chris and me! We were robbed!" Then I started to sob. It's the little things that can get to me these days. I know that two things are certain. I will always love Chris as much as I did the exact moment that I married him, ok maybe even more. And that I will miss him at least as much as I missed him the day that he passed away.

He is never too far away from my thoughts. Just because I am planning my future without him does not mean that I am forgetting him. I will forever love and remember him. I just cannot allow him to consume my every thought anymore. Sure, when my thoughts are allowed to wander, I cannot help but think of him. But, I will divert my thoughts to the happy memories instead of the what if's and the should haves.

I read the most inspirational line from a book written by Lolly Winston the other day: "I've decided it's important to love the life that you get and somehow learn to let go of the life you dreamed of." I can't stop thinking of that line. I even left the bookmark on that page when I finished the book because I found it so profound. I have been longing for the life that I dreamed of instead of learning to live and love this life that I have been given. No matter how damaged I feel that my life is at this moment, I must claim ownership of it and learn to live and love my life. I know what I want my life to be. I am the only person that can make my life worthwhile. I am the only person that can make me love my life. So, I have already put my plans in motion and there is no more time for procrastination. The time for me to accept what has happened and start to learn to love my life starts now.

3 comments:

  1. What a beautiful post, Ann!

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  2. Nice post.
    I am older than you. At one time I was part of an older couple. When I see other couples walking, the togetherness wrenches my heart, but seeing them also makes me grateful.
    Thank you for reminding me how lucky I was.
    I am where you are, making decisions for what I want for my life. Only I can do it and I choose to make it a good one.
    No matter the age, grief is hard and moving on is hard. It is a new life.

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  3. I agree with Karen, beautifully written Ann. I love that quote! Thanks for sharing!

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