Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Where Did It Go?

Where did that glimmer of happiness go? I felt it; it was right at my finger tips. But, now it's gone. I had finally reached the point where I decided that I wanted to live, and I wanted to be happy. I know that Chris would want me to be happy. But, where did it all go?

I want to remember the happiness that Chris brought to my world and not the sorrow that is left. I will always feel some sorrow when I think of what we both lost. But, I want to remember the good that he brought to me. I do feel so much warmth in my heart when I think of him. I want to feel that all the time. But, it seems to go away quickly because I quickly remember that he's gone and I will never get him back.

I found a shoebox full of letters that he wrote me. I thought that there were actually shoes in the box and not his letters. I was pleasantly surprised when I opened the box. I decided to read one of the letters. I thought that it would be ok to read. But, I wasn't prepared to read about his plans for our future, our future that we will never have anymore. The letter mentioned that when he got home he was going to fix the clasp for the attic door that has needed to be fixed since I bought the house. Well, the door is being kept closed by all of my shoeboxes and the very shoebox that held that letter. So now, every time I look at the attic door, I think about how he was supposed to fix it and never did. I also think, "how can I ever get anyone else to fix it?" Because nobody else can ever replace Chris!

No comments:

Post a Comment