Wednesday, January 19, 2011

It's Not Contagious

Since I've lost Chris, I've lost friends. Yes, I've gained some friends too. But, so many friends have distanced themselves from me. I don't know why. I don't know if it's because I'm not a couple anymore and can't be part of the couple's club anymore, or what the reason is. But, it is a bit hurtful.

Recently, I had another experience where I was hurt and felt isolated because I was a widow. I won't go into the details, but I really felt "different" because I was a widow. (BTW - I hate being a widow, I hate calling myself a widow, but unfortunately that is what I am.) I sometimes feel like I am a pariah because of my marital status. Trust me, I don't like it anymore than the people shunning me do.

I have some news for these people: widowhood is not contagious. You will not and cannot contract it from being near me or even in the same room as me. You will not and cannot contract it from talking to me, in person or over the phone. And you will not and cannot contract it from reading my blog. Plain and simple, it is not a disease, you cannot catch it, and it will not rub off on you.


  1. I assume that people are uncomfortable. They don't know what to say so they avoid having to say anythIng. Unless you're 13 years old, that's a cop out. Say something. Say anything. Even if it's wrong.

    It would be simple to say that those people were not true friends, nor worthy of your friendship. The harder answer, and probably the truth, is that they just don't know. None of us who have not suffered a loss like yours can. And I hope I never do. But I hope that I am more courageous and compassionate with those that are grieving.

    I am sorry for your loss, for your pain, for your loneliness. I hope that each day brings you one extra moment of joy.

  2. Thats what it feels like to me too. Our situation forces others to analyze their own mortality. When they see you, they see that death does not discriminate based on age, wealth, race, etc... and that is scary. They have the luxury to ignore this fact. By ignoring their own fears they ignore you. It sucks!!

    Challenge friends to face their fears and tackle their discomforts. Blog...great step in helping others get you. You are a wealth of knowledge, an inspiration, and if people cant see that...well thats just plain ole stupid.

    Many thoughts and prayers for you.