Sunday, January 2, 2011


The holidays can be rough even if you're not a widow.  But they are always rough if you are a new widow.  This is my second holiday season, but it felt like my first because last year, I was completely numb.  Also last year I was living with my parents during the holiday season and I really couldn't "escape".  I did leave for a little bit to go to my house to take my presents there and pick up some items.  But, I couldn't be alone.  Although, it needs to be said that I have a wonderful family and they made it as best as it could be.

This year was different.  The fact that Chris wasn't around was more real.  My family was wonderful, again.  Maybe even more so this year.  And, this year, I am even closer to his family.  I don't think of his grandmother as an in-law, I think of her as my own grandmother.  She has been wonderful to me beyond words.  I feel so blessed to be surrounded by the family that I have.  My parents spoiled me with unbelievable gifts. Yes, I actually cried because of their generosity and love.  Even his grandmother spoiled me with the most thoughtful gift that I will cherish for a lifetime.  I cannot express in words how much love I feel for my family and Chris's family. 

This New Year's Eve, I was in bed and asleep by eleven.  I thought "What's the point of celebrating without Chris?"  And really, what was the point?  I have nobody to kiss, and don't want anyone to kiss except for Chris.  To be awake would just be a reminder of what was missing in my life.  So, I wanted to treat it as just another night and day.  Today was nothing special to me because what was special to me is missing; so now everything that was special is nothing special anymore.

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