Monday, January 3, 2011

Happiness Is Overrated

I don't see what the big deal is with being "happy".  It's so overrated.  I'm fine with being content.  I was happy once upon a time and I just can't see being happy with anyone else.  Yeah, I suppose it would be nice to be happy.  But, what I had with Chris was something special.  He was the first person that I truly wanted to share my life with.  He was the first man to last past the dreaded three month mark.  I don't know if I'll ever meet anyone that will do that.  He was the first man to truly make me happy.

I'm not delusional, we had our moments where we weren't happy all the time.  But, those moments that we spent making up were some of the most memorable and happiest moments that we spent together. Even some of the fights, when he would start yelling at me then he would run outside and yell at me as loud as he could "I fucking love you, do you hear me?  Do you think everyone hears me?  I fucking love you!"   I smile when I think of our times together.  Just thinking of some of the silly things that he would do makes me happy and brings a big smile to my face.  That is all the happiness that I need right now.

Of course, having Chris here with me right now would be even better than the happy memories of him.  But, I stopped believing that that miracle will happen a long time ago.  So, I'm content right now.  I'm happy with my memories.  If something should come along and bring some happiness to my life, so be it.  Right this very moment, I am making the best of my life the way that it is.  I have accepted what has happened, I may not like it, but I have accepted it.  I've decided that I'm not moving on, but I'm moving forward with time.  I don't have to be happy, I just have to be content.  At least I'm not sad and miserable all the time anymore.  If happiness happens to come my way, then I'll open the door for it.

1 comment:

  1. I so often feel that I'll never experience true happiness again. I had it all with Elliott and I experienced happiness in a way that some never get to. I totally get what you mean when you talk about just being content. i feel like I'm fine to just be content and put in my time until I see El again.