Tuesday, December 21, 2010


I just read somewhere "God only gives you what you can handle."  Oh how I hate that saying.  I literally gnashed my teeth and cringed when I read it.  How do they know this to be true?  Do they know how close to suicide I have been and what has stopped me?  Do they know that there are so many others in my position that have committed suicide because they couldn't handle it?

I really am glad that nobody has said that phrase to my face lately.  I had a few people say it to me at Chris's funeral.  But, I was so numb, I just kind of let it go.  But, if they said to me today, they would definitely get an earful.  God did not do this to Chris.  Just as the father presiding over the funeral said, it was not God, that did this; man did this.  A monster named Shannon Maurice Holmes did this to Chris.  This was not part of God's plan.  What kind of God would he be if he planned a death like this for Chris?  Man was given free will, that is why this was allowed to happen.  It was a horrible, horrible tragedy, but it was not some sort of divine plan. 

After many meetings with my minister friend, I understand more about why it was "allowed" to happen.  I don't claim to have the answers, but I understand so much better about why things happen.  It doesn't mean that I have to agree or like it.  It just means that I can understand.  And yet, I still have not lost my faith in God. 

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