Friday, December 3, 2010

Avoidance

I actually got some sleep last night.  And no nightmares.  I was still up early, not too early.  But, I think that since one chapter of my life has closed it has lessened the anxiety of the one year mark.  I have been thinking about my future to divert my thoughts away from the events of that day.  I have made plans with friends so that I will not be at work and that I will be busy.  I keep thinking that as long as I can keep myself and my mind occupied, I can avoid the grief monster.  I have been talking about Chris with a couple of friends, I want to talk about him.  I want to remember the happy things, not the sad thing.  I want to be able to smile about him when I remember him.  I still have some moments where I can't believe that it's real, yep even at a year.  But, I'm accepting it more.  It's becoming more of my life and I try my best to avoid all thoughts of him not being around.  Somedays, I can't even look at pictures of him because it reminds me that he's not here.  So, I will continue to look ahead and try to avoid the events that took place December 8 of last year.

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