Friday, November 12, 2010

Rings

I still wear my wedding ring.  I have no desire to remove it, I am still married to Chris (despite what some heartless people want to say); in my heart and in the eyes of God, we are still married.  I used to wear his ring around a necklace, but the chain broke and I now wear it on my right hand.  I feel an obligation to him to wear his ring and never remove it.  Chris never took his ring off, it was a symbol of our love and he loved me as much as I loved him.  (I am sure of that!)  Yet, it bothers me that it is now on my hand and not on his.  I bothers so much that because some monster murdered him, a pathologist removed his ring and I was handed his ring in a bag.  I still cry when I think about his ring being handed to me in that bag.  That was the first moment that I felt that he was gone, and that it wasn't a mistake.  I knew that it was real because Chris would have never removed his ring himself. 

I should not be the one to wear his ring, he should be wearing it!  I am so angry about that.  I really hate that this ring is not on his left hand.  Every time that I look at it, I am reminded that he is not here to wear it.  I am reminded that a monster once lived near me.  I am reminded of how horrifically Chris left this world.  I want nothing more than to put this ring on his finger and be with him again.

4 comments:

  1. Oh, Ann - so heartbreaking! And so true... I have no intention of taking off my ring, and Jerry's is on a chain around my neck. The only times he ever removed it were when he was having procedures and tests at the hospital. I remember holding it for him during one of them and feeling such bad premonitions, and putting it back on his finger when he came back out. And the next time it came off was when his son took it off his finger right after he died and handed it to me. It hasn't been off my neck since, except for going through metal detectors.

    Love to you, as ever.

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  2. Oh Ann! I wish he were there too. So so sorry hon!

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  3. Wedding rings are special--surviving spouses know. I wore mine for many months; surprisingly it became apparent to me that looking at itand feeling itafter some time became too painful. So I removed the ring. Not easy. But somehow doing so made me feel better and focus on me and what I needed and not the past. Still not easy. I love the ring but I don't need it to remind me of the love we had so I made the decision and I don't regret it. Other surviving spouses I know also have done this--it's an individual decision.

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  4. I've been reading your blog. My husband was killed (murdered)in Afghanistan in June. I actually wrote my own blog post about this same subject a week or 2 ago. I wear my husbands wedding band as well and it looks so wrong. It shouldn't be on my hands, it should be on his. My husband's ring was also handed to me in a little bag. I just wanted to post so you would know that you're not alone. There are others of us who share your same view on this.

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