Thursday, November 4, 2010

He Actually Loved ME

I read something today and it really got me thinking.  Chris was a wonderful, wonderful person and he loved ME!!  I was the one that he married, nobody else.  I was the one that he wanted to stop drinking for, nobody else!!!  And that, I have recorded on my phone.  He told me that he wanted to stop drinking for me.  He said that he was afraid to lose me and he knew that his drinking was pushing me away.  He told me that everything that he did was for me (except the drinking.)  So, when I am having a bad day and think that I am invisible and alone, I will just remember that the greatest man that I have ever known loved me.  He loved me exactly the way that I was.  He loved me when I woke up in the morning, he loved me when I went to sleep at night.  He loved me when I looked like hell and he loved me when I looked my best.  He loved me when we fought, he loved me even more when we said sorry.  I could see the love in his eyes when he looked at me.  He never stopped loving me, his last words were "I love you," at least to me they were.  He really did love me unconditionally.  Sure, we had our moments where we were not so nice to each other.  But, at the end of the day, we loved each other even more.

So, when I am feeling down about myself, I think of this wonderful man that loved me for exactly who I am.  God, I miss him.  I know that he is waiting for me in the afterlife, whatever that may be.  I know that we will be reunited and it will seem like nothing has ever separated us.  I love you Chris, I will never stop loving you.

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