Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Day of the Dead

The day of the dead has many names: All Soul's Day, Día de los Muertos, Zaduszki, just to name a few.  Cultures all over the world celebrate November 2.  They honor those that have passed before them.  Chris and I celebrated November 2 for a different reason.  November 2, 2007 we vowed to dedicate our lives and our love to one another.  We vowed to love, honor and cherish each other until "death do us part".  I never really liked the last part, because we are soul mates and our love extends beyond death.  We are both Catholic and believe in an afterlife.  We believe that in the eyes of God, we are married for all of eternity.  Chris was my first true love.  I felt something special when I met him.  There was a spark inside my heart the moment he said "hello."  He will never be forgotten and my love for him will never cease nor wane.  Today is a day to celebrate, yet I spent it alone and in tears.  All day long I thought of all the things that we would be doing today if he were still here.  I do that often, "if he were still here..."  I hate that.  One more thing to add to my list of things that I hate.  Today, the void in my heart was especially noticeable.  Chris should have been here with me today, we should have celebrated our marriage.  I should not be mourning his passing.  I should not be here alone right now.  My life is filled with shoulds and woulds, and should nots and would nots.  I believe that Chris is here with me now, just in spirit.  But, that is not the way that it should be.

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