Monday, November 8, 2010

11 Months

So, I'm on 11 months now.  I told Father K Saturday that I was "coping" and "learning to accept".  Yet, I had few tears.  Just two days later and I can barely function.  I was working in an area where I was all alone.  Just me and my iPod, listening to music that meant something to both me and Chris.  I had a complete meltdown.  I was crying so hard, I couldn't even breathe.  I miss him, I don't want to live without him.  Unless you have lost someone such as a spouse, you will not know how it feels.  There is a complete void; not just in your heart, but in your soul and in your life.  It seems like everything will bring either a memory or sadness because he will never experience it.  I just don't see what the point to life is.  Can someone please tell me?


  1. I can't, of course. I just wanted to come back yet again and say, again, that I get it. I'll be at 5 weeks on Saturday, and it just seems to keep getting worse in so many ways.

    Consider this a virtual hug, for your sake and for mine. Love to you, Ann.

  2. I wish I had the answers...

    A fellow widow.

  3. Duh. I meant 5 months, obviously, not 5 weeks. Can't tell if it feels like 5 weeks, 5 years, or 5 minutes. But all the time ahead of me without him? No matter how long, it feels like it's going to be an eternity of hell.

  4. Karen, I knew exactly what you meant and exactly how you feel. That darn widda brain!!!