Saturday, October 9, 2010

A Letter to My Husband's Murderer

Dear Prisoner #345719,

I cannot and will not acknowledge you by name, I still do not think of you as anything but a monster.  Even the sight or sound of your given name sends shivers down my spine.  I do not think of you nearly as much as I used to.  You are merely a gnat that sometimes buzzes around my head, yet I just can't seem to get rid of you.  However, I still hate you and my heart has no room for forgiveness because there is too much grief and sorrow.  I feel that you will only confess your sin against Christopher when faced with death yourself.  I have been contacted by X, twice.  I will tell you that I only wish to hear from you, X, or anyone else associated with you if I am to be told why you killed Christopher.  Why can't you just be a man and admit to your crimes?  I can understand why you won't ask for forgiveness from me, but what of your family?  You do owe me and Christopher's family an explanation, a reason as to why you committed this heinous act against my beloved Christopher.  I had to kneel down by his side, helpless as I watched the life drain out of him.  He was the absolute only man that I have ever loved, and he will remain the only man that I will ever love for all of eternity.  You took him away from me, you took him away from his son, and you took his son away from me.  I am left with nothing but memories.  And because of you, I can't even say that all of those memories are wonderful.

I don't understand how a human being can inflict that much pain upon another human.  That is why I do not think that you are human at all.  I think that when you are on your death bed, you will confess your sin.  You will ask God for mercy for what you have done to his son, Christopher.  I know that you will never ask for forgiveness from me.  Which is actually a good thing, because I am not ready to forgive you, and I will not ever forgive you.  Instead, I have cast you from my mind with the occasional remembrance.  You may have fooled your family and friends, but I see right through you to your very core.  I have seen first hand the evil that resides in you.  I can see the demon in your eyes. Yes, this letter is written with hate in my heart.  But, I ask you that if anyone had committed such a heinous crime against you, would you be kind or freely offer your forgiveness?  I still love Christopher, I will never stop loving him.  I will always remember him fondly.  If I had one wish for you it would be that you live a long, miserable life alone.  I would wish that every single person that you ever loved forget about you and only those that despise you remember you.

The lonely widow

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