Thursday, September 16, 2010

I Just Can't Catch a Break

I actually managed to fall asleep fairly quickly last night.  Of course I had to double up on my meds.  But, then a friend in Vegas texted me and woke me up.  Which really wasn't a problem, except I was so tired that I couldn't text, good thing for auto correct!  Then after I fell back asleep, the storm woke me up.  That was pretty odd because storms don't bother me, as a matter of fact, I sleep better when it storms.  Add that to the extra medication and I should have slept without interruption.  But alas no, I just can't catch a break. 

Surprisingly, I'm not that tired.  And I am already prepared for another night of staying awake.  Too bad I have a housemate now, because I should be productive when I can't sleep.  One of Chris's biggest complaints about me was that I wanted to clean late at night when he wanted to sleep.  There is so much that I need and want to do around the house that I won't do when I can't sleep because I don't want to wake KB up.  (And for the record KB is a wonderful person and someone that I don't mind sharing my house with.)  And when I finally do get up in the morning to let the dogs out, I'm so tired that I'm useless.  I get ambitious when I'm at work.  Thank goodness for that, at least I can stay awake and not get hurt.

But, there is no safety from the waves of grief.  One small thing, a song, a picture, anything can set it off.  It does not matter where I am at or what I am doing, when it comes around it has to have center stage.  All that I want is to wake up from this nightmare and have Chris back.  Only then can my life be better.  I know that I want the impossible, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

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