Saturday, August 7, 2010

I'm so Tired

I'm so tired today.  I have been having a really hard time sleeping this week.  You would think that after the conviction I would sleep easy.  But, alas no.  Last night, Brutus kept barking.  I figured that it was just an animal or one of the neighbors outside.  But, I still couldn't sleep.  I still worry about this murdering bastards friends and family, I can't say that any of them have shown that they are even remotely upstanding citizens.  It says something about one's character when you will stand proudly beside a murderer.  It is plain as day who is responsible for this tragic murder, and that monster is sitting in the Wayne County jail right now.

I will say, without a doubt that if this was even my brother with this amount of evidence, I would not be standing beside him.  I'm sorry to say that, but this was the work of a cold blooded murderer.  I would not, and could not stand beside someone that was capable of doing this.  I would always wonder who would be next.  Besides, his story is pure fiction.  I mean really, you open the door to someone that is not your friend who is bloody head to toe?  AND you offer to help him conceal his crime?  REALLY???  Furthermore, your story is that you didn't want to say anything because you were worried about your girlfriend and her family.  Now, let's really think about this: if you were so worried about them why would you open the door to someone that is not your friend that is bloody all over?  Wouldn't you be worried that he might attack you or those people that you claim to now be worried about?  It's illogical.  At least the twelve members of the jury did not believe his story, and those are really the only ones that matter.  I am willing to stake my life on it that the judge even knew that he was guilty of first degree because she told him that he was going to go away for life and that he needed to take the plea deal.

I can say it over and over again, there is no joy in this conviction.  I'm not celebrating.  While I may revel in the fact that this murderer will never again be free to roam the streets, not even when he is a very old man, my husband is still gone.  And I cannot change that.  I have tried my begging and bartering with God, but it is futile. Unless you have lost a spouse, you will not know my pain.  There is no pain like it, and especially when you have to stand by helpless and watch them as their life slips away.  I didn't want to believe on December 8 that he was injured so badly.  I didn't want to believe on December 9 that he had passed away.  And I still don't want to believe.  Instead of sleep soundly at night, I wait for him to come to bed, I plead with God to bring him home, and I barter my life for his.  The waiting, pleading and bartering are exhausting. 

1 comment:

  1. Sending a virtual hug from your sister in exhaustion,