Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Exhaustion

It has been about a week since the house alarm was tripped at 1:30am, and needless to say, I haven't gotten much sleep.  I still take my medications at night that help me sleep, but it's not working really well.  I will sleep for two or three hours and I'm awake.  Not wide awake, but awake enough that I can't fall back asleep.  So, going on a week now, it's really catching up to me.  I have a major headache, that not even caffeine will take care of.  I can barely function at work.  I'm just so tired that I really have to stop and think about every move that I make so that I don't scrap a part or hurt myself.  The last thing that I need is to have some time off of work.

Lack of sleep makes me cranky.  I can't stand to go on Facebook anymore.  Everyone's life just sucks and it's the end of the world.  Well guess what?  I went through something that not one of my friends has had to go through.  So, walk in my shoes for even one hour and tell me how bad your life is!  What's so interesting is that I have several widow(er) friends on Facebook, and they don't complain about how bad their lives are.  Yes, a couple may just state that they are having a bad day, or this new life sucks.  But, they don't act as if it's the end of the world; and yet if they did, it would be understandable.  What we have lost at such a young age is unbelievable, some have children and some don't.  Yet we all have something in common, we have lost the one person in the world that we were closest to, the one person in the world that we have established a past, shared the present and planned a future with.  Our loss is unlike any other loss that a person will ever experience, yet we manage to get through each day, even if it is faking it, staying in bed all day, or whatever else helps us get through the day.  I have so much admiration for my widda friends because in spite of their worlds turning upside down, they put on a brave face and live as best as they can.  I can't imagine anything else in my life that is even remotely comparable to losing Chris, especially in the manner that I lost him.  So, I need to stay off of Facebook because I've already alienated one "friend" by telling her what I thought, I don't want to do that again.

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