Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Don't...

I'm really tired of people telling what I should and what I should not do.  They are not in my shoes, and they certainly have not walked even an inch in them.  If you know that I don't want to be told to move on, why do you continue to tell me that I have to do so?  And I know that you know how much it hurts because you will say  "I know that it hurts to hear but..." UGH, I will grieve as long as I see fit to grieve.  This was not my pet hamster that passed away, it was my husband.  And along with my husband, it was my future and my dreams.  That is certainly not something that you can just "get over".  I have to figure out exactly who I am again and make new dreams and new goals.  My Granny lived a long time as a widow and didn't date again until she was in her 80's.  It doesn't mean that I will stop living, I still get up out of bed every day and go to work.  And for the record, I don't linger in bed all day before work anymore.  I'm going at my own pace to heal.  I'm sorry if you don't like it, but that is the way that it is.

I also take great offense when I'm told to move, get another house or asked "are you sure that you want to live there?" Here's my answer to all of those comments: I will stay in my house until the day that I die, even if it drains me financially.  I don't care that you think that I'm "holding on."  Of course I'm holding on, I am not ready to let him go.  I still STILL wait for him to come home or come upstairs at night.  So, why do you think that I would be so ready to dismiss everything.  Here's a newsflash, I am still grieving, and I will continue to grieve until I am done.  This was MY house before I met Chris, and it is now OUR house.  I will do what I have to do to stay there.  So, please don't ask me "are you sure that you want to stay there?"  Ummm, yes I'm sure, I was sure the first time that you asked me, and I will be sure every time that you ask me.  I don't really know how many times I will have to say that I do not think of the incident while I'm at home (except when the house alarm goes off at 1:30am).  I only think of the happy memories that we had there.  This is our home, and it always will be our home, whether or not Chris is living there.

The last "topic" concerns my wedding ring.  In my heart, I still feel as if I am married.  So, why would I take my wedding ring off?  I love this ring, it was my mothers ring before it was mine.  There is so much sentimental value attached to it.  But most of all, I want to wear it to honor Chris and the marriage that we had.  So please don't tell me that I need to take it off, I will take it off if I'm ever ready. 

1 comment:

  1. Oooh... "I know that it hurts to hear but..." should be a clear sign to someone NOT TO SAY WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO SAY. People need to get a clue.

    I've been mostly lucky so far (except for the occasional "You'll meet someone else" line), but I feel like I need to prepare answers to these sorts of comments, to be prepared. Good for you for putting them all down so clearly, Ann!

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