Monday, August 23, 2010

All About Chris

Chris had a very tough life.  His mother passed away when he was just 8 years old.  One day she was home and feeling ill.  His father took her to the hospital where she was admitted, she never left; her kidneys failed.  I know how devastated Chris was.  At her funeral, Chris dropped down to the ground and held the edge of her grave and cried that he wasn't going to leave his mother there.  Chris never forgot his mother, however, he did say that he couldn't remember exactly what she looked like anymore and he didn't have any pictures of her.  (I found two pictures of them together, and neither one was she looking at the camera, she was looking at him in them both.)  When I was looking through some of the stuff that he did have, there was a homework assignment that he had saved.  It was about what he wanted to do with his life.  He said that he wanted to be married and have kids.  That was his main goal when he was an adult.

I can only assume how devastated his father was by this too.  His father had a drinking problem, and Chris thought that drinking in excess was the norm.  I know all too well about grief and anger.  I never met his father, so I really can't say how he felt, I can only assume.  From what I understand, Chris was at the wrong side of that anger.  However, he had many aunts and uncles that took him in from time to time when things got too rough for him at home.

Chris lived wherever he could when he became an adult.  But, when his father was sick with lung cancer, he moved back home to take care of him.  From the conversations that I had with Chris, I could tell that his life was so incredibly rough, but I know that he did indeed love his father.  Chris's father died in his arms.

Chris told me that he started drinking when he was just 12 years old.  There is a long standing argument over whether or not genetics is responsible for alcoholism or not.  I don't have the answer, and I don't want to go into his family's history or alcoholism or lack thereof.  But, I do know that Chris and his father both suffered from it.  He tried so hard to overcome it.  I am in no way excusing his habit, but he used alcohol to escape from his reality.  For more than half of his short life, he resorted to alcohol to escape his problems.

I don't know if anyone in Chris's past tried to help him overcome it, aside from his family that is.  I know that his family tried for years to help him, and I can say that they never turned their backs on him.  Chris's family is wonderful, and I have come to know why Chris loved them so dearly.  However, the rest of the people that were active in his life seemed to turn the other cheek when it came to his drinking.  And while he was ordered, many times, to enter rehab, it wasn't until he married me that he actually went, and planned on making it work.  The day before the incident, he actually told me that he was ready to enter an inpatient center.  I did give him an ultimatum, either me or the drinking.  There wasn't room for us both.  I was afraid that his drinking was going from a twice a week thing to an everyday occurrence again.  That was something that Chris, I, nor his son could afford.

I wonder every single day what would have become of Chris if he wasn't attacked that night.  I would like to think that he would finally be sober.  We would be fighting for custody of his son.  And, we would have a child of our own.  Everyday, I wonder "what would we be doing right now?"  Chris was a good man.  While he had made mistakes throughout his life, he did not deserve what happened to him.  Chris was finally in a better place here on earth.  He was finally living his life the way that he had dreamed when he was a child.  He had a great home, a son, and a wife that loved him more than life.  His dream had come true, unfortunately, he wasn't able to live that dream for very long.

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