Saturday, July 17, 2010
Hate is infectious, like a disease. It is contagious and lethal. We all at one point in our lives say that we hate something or someone. But, do we really know what hate feels like? If you would have asked me that question 7.5 months ago, I would have said no. I never really used the word hate, well maybe towards brussel sprouts. But, I have only used it twice in my life in reference to people. And to be truthful, I think that it was said while I was still angry because a few days after I said it, I didn't really feel that way. Hate, much like love, cannot be understood unless you experience it first hand. I always say that I never knew what true love was until I met Chris. Sure, I had moments where I thought that I was in love, but in retrospect, I wasn't. Chris was the first person to ever bring that passion into my life that sustained everything. And to the POS that took him from this world, I now harbor pure hatred. I am actually ashamed to say that I know what hate feels like. I am not a hateful person; anyone who really knows me will testify to this. However, my life has been shattered and there is one creature responsible. (I cannot and will not refer to him as a person or man, because in my eyes, in my hatred he is neither.) I wish for him the most terrible things. I believe in Karma, I believe that he will "get his" someday. And I hope that he does not have time to atone for his sins and be forgiven. I want him to rot in the deepest bowels of hell. I hate that I have this hatred festering in my heart. But, I have experienced true love and my time was cut short for whatever reason, I don't know. And I suspect that I will never know. But, I think that his minion of a girlfriend knows and that she has something to do with it. So, my infectious hate is being infected upon her as well. What is almost even more shameful than having this hate is that I don't ever want to let it subside and forgive him. What he did to my beloved, is unforgivable.