Thursday, June 10, 2010

Things That I Want to Scream About...

So, I think that I found a housemate. One of Chris's friends. We have a "friend" in common too. CS. When I mentioned that CS didn't like me, it wasn't to deter him from his decision. It was because I didn't know how close they were and I didn't want to cause a rift between them. No matter what I think about CS, I would never say to anyone else "you can't be friends with her." But, I just said something along the lines of I don't know why she doesn't like me. And that is partially true. I know why I don't like her, and as a result I did something that she didn't like. Well, his response was that CS said I didn't like her to hang out with Chris. I just rolled my eyes. It's not fair to him to start bickering about this shit. So, I really need to say what I wanted to say to him (and to others) but just can't muster the strength or want to rock the boat. Yep, yesterday I was numb, today I am angry!!!

I didn't like CS hanging out with my husband because she brought him beer. Her response was that he's always going to be an alcoholic so get used to it. UMMMM, yes, he will always fight those demons. But, when he's fighting, you don't tempt him. I don't care if he asked you to bring it, YOU JUST DON'T DO IT.

Another thing CS, he did not call you the day before he passed away, and in the months proceeding it, you only talked to him a total of a half hour. I know this because I checked his phone records. So stop telling the world that you and he were best buddies. He couldn't stand you, there are only two reasons that he liked you: 1. your daughter, he cared about her deeply and 2. you brought him free beer!!

So CS...you stated that Chris and Shannon got into an argument and Shannon killed him? That is definite news to me and to the police. How did you obtain this information? Is it true that you actually are friends with Shannon?

CS, you have established yourself to be a liar. Your own FIL could not stand you, you have alienated Chris's entire family. I know why they can't stand you, and shame on you for what you did at your FIL's funeral!  I can't blame any member of Chris's family that hold resentment for you.  What you did to MC was absolutely inexcusable.  And the sad thing is that you feel no shame or remorse for your actions.  Yet, you act like the victim when his family avoids you like the plague.

To KM, you did NOT know my husband better than anyone. He did NOT tell you things that he didn't tell anyone else. I know this because I specifically asked you a question about his past. A question that if he told you everything you would have known about, and you would have remembered. How dare you pretend that you were the most important person in his life!

KM, if you only knew what Chris said about you the night before he passed. He finally saw you for who you really are. He had mentioned all along that he suspected that you were just using him for his skills. And the night before he passed away, he told me that he was tired of you using him. You had promised him the entire time that he was with me that you would pay him for him doing stuff for you, or you were going to give me a car, but you always had an excuse why you couldn't do it for him. While he was grateful for you letting him stay with you, he knew that it wasn't free or you just being a generous, kind soul. He was pissed at you!! He had had enough. And it took no coaching from me. He was done doing things for free for you. He finally saw you as the user that you are. I know why you tried so damn hard to get me to leave him when he had the last DUI. It was because you knew that if he didn't live there, he would stop doing things for free. Oh, I remember vividly the conversations that you and I had about him, about how you tried your best to try to convince me not to marry him. Yep, you were right that you would have had to start paying him for any work that he did. But, you still didn't want to accept it. You didn't "love" him, I think that you wanted him to stay with your daughter not me. Too bad! We were deeply in love. I was the only person aside from his real family that actually saw him for who he really was inside. And he loved me for that. I stuck by him through thick and thin. I can't really say the same for you.
To JD, I hope that you are happy with yourself. You called Chris a friend? And this is how you act? I can assure you that he is very disappointed in you. Have your fun and leave me alone. Truth be told, he laughed and made fun of you behind your back. If you don't believe me, maybe you should ask LS or MC.  He didn't really like you, but to tell you that would only hurt you. So, I've kept my mouth shut. I always knew that there was something wrong with you. Especially the last time that you sat in my living room. I could tell that you were not playing with a full deck.

To HR, how dare you!!!!! You had absolutely no right to bring your husband along to take pictures!! Did you not think that the insurance and the police took plenty of pictures? I think that you did it because you are sick. You are demented. What the hell possessed you to do it, I mean give me a break. Then you lied about it. I can't even trust that you actually deleted them. I think that you did it for gossip reasons. I think that Chris had a premonition when he told me that you were never allowed to step into our house again. I didn't even tell him that it was technically "my" house, I agreed with him. I should have listened to him. But, I guess that maybe I was looking for an escape from our friendship. I disagreed with your lifestyle. I didn't understand it, never will, and want nothing to do with it.

So, to all you people that want to bring me down, back off! Have some respect to another human being. I don't care if you like me, but just leave me be. I want nothing to do with you and would appreciate the same in return. I'm so sorry that he was happy with me. I'm so sorry that you either lost your drinking buddy, your free laborer, or reason to be pissed off at the world. I did not take him from you, he chose to change his life for the better and I think that you resent him and me for that decision. Too F@%&ing bad!! He was happier the last few years of his life with me than he ever was with just you people in his life. Accept it, and move on. Accept the fact that I am and always will be his wife. I was the one that he chose to spend the rest of his life with, and I am the one that he chose to change his life for; if he hadn't have passed away so young, we would grow old together. Accept it and be done with your anger. As far as CS goes, I had forgotten all about you. But, this has brought up old feelings. I guess that all I can say is that I should be flattered that all that these people have so much to say about me and so much of their time is invested in me. I don't give them the same in return. However, I must have something worthwhile to them for them to hate me with no reason or recourse at all. I can't say that I hate any one of these people, I certainly dislike them all and want nothing to do with them. But, it is rather flattering when someone dislikes you without cause, it's akin to envy!

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