Wednesday, June 2, 2010


Chris was all about music. It was his passion. He was learning to play the guitar when he passed. Anytime he had something to say, that he couldn't actually "say" he would play a song that reflected his mood and thoughts. For instance, when he would upset me to the point of tears he would always play Sorry by Buckcherry. Call me crazy, but I think he's done this after he passed too. For instance I found something out that he did that infuriated me. I cursed at him, and yet Sorry played on my iPod at least 5 times in a 20 minute ride.

About a month after Chris passed, a wonderful medium came to my house. (Thank you Elizabeth!) She told me how much Chris loved music and he sometimes would communicate with me through music. Last night as I was driving home from work the song Already Gone by Kelly Clarkson came on the radio. Admittedly, not his choice of music. However, the first lyrics that came over the radio were "You couldn't have loved me better. But I want you to move on so I'm already gone." I immediately started crying because I was thinking earlier how I hate when people tell me to move on and say how this grief isn't what Chris would want for me (as if anyone really knows what he wants right now.) I cried the entire ride home. Of course I talked with him, and thought coincidence, but just in case...I told him I can't move on and then I ended up crying myself to sleep.

Well, tonight the song on the radio was Carry On Wayward Son by Kansas. And the first lyrics that I heard? "Lay your weary head to rest. Don't you cry no more." WOW!!! Another coincidence? I don't know, but I still cried. I don't "feel" his presence as much anymore and am grateful for any and all signs that I can get. I used to smell cigarette smoke, and I still do; just not as often. Call me crazy, but I think that he's trying to talk to me in the only way that he can.

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