Monday, June 28, 2010

It's Official

It's officially my birthday. I've hit a milestone birthday (40) today and it's my first since my beloved Chris passed away. Needless to say, I'm miserable. I should be happy, I should be celebrating with him. But, I'm not. I'm alone. I have three birthday wishes and want just one of them to come true.

1. I wake up in the morning and it's December 8, 2009 and I'm able to prevent this.
2. I wake up tomorrow and the past 6+ months have been a hellish nightmare and he's safe beside me in bed.
3. I don't wake up at all.

Those are the absolute only things that I want. Yet I know that the first two are out of my control and will not happen, no matter how hard I pray, plead and bargain. But, the third is totally within my control. I want nothing more for my birthday than to be with him, how ever that may be. Life is not worth living without him in it. I never quite knew what love and happiness were until I met him. I never knew how awful it was to lose until I lost him. Now, my life has no meaning and no purpose. So, why bother anymore? I'm going to make myself a cup of tea and decide just what to do for my birthday...

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